I:0:T I'd like to look at the conventional wisdom around temper tantrums for a minute here. Have you ever observed (or been subject to) tantrums that were in progress during which parents (perhaps even yourself) were actually following the typical ignore-the-tantrum advice? Maybe in a store, a child or infant was screaming. The parent responded thus: (1) ignoring the temper tantrum and the child, (2) staying calm and cool, (3) acting unruffled and nonchalant, and (4) as soon as possible (while sustaining an unhurried appearance) making it past the checkout and out of the store. This situation was much to everyone's relief, except most likely the child's-whose anger and frustration by that point in time had escalated to the extreme.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory really begs a few questions. What measurement is there for parents to use so they can understand if they're ignoring the tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? Just kidding. Nobody asks that question. But they should. How can parents know if ignoring tantrums is even a good and valid technique like the experts say it is? There is absolutely no change or success to measure and no tool to use to evaluate this technique's effectiveness. This technique, in fact, doesn't claim to be effective in the creation of a change. Using this technique isn't supposed to solve anything. When the tantrum behavior, as it undoubtedly will, stays the same or perhaps gets worse, the tantrum parents are supposed to keep on ignoring the tantrums simply because the experts say so.
And that's precisely what I did in the beginning, as a brand new parent. I regularly ignored the tantrums with my first four children until they each outgrew their tantrum behavior, usually at about two years old as the parenting advisors had predicted. As well, I responded to my fifth baby's tantrums by ignoring them, until I learned that my response was provoking his tantrum behavior. I learned that ignoring temper tantrum and pre-temper-tantrum anger is part of the cause of temper tantrums. And I learned that for as long as temper tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
Let's examine this paradigm more closely. (I swear-that word is the only super-annoying scholarly one I will use here.) Responding to tantrums primarily through ignoring them is part of a very old parenting model or set of concepts, assumptions, values, and practices that constitutes a wrongheaded or misguided way of viewing tantrum reality.
All along, the parenting experts have been telling parents they should ignore tantrums just because (according to them) ignoring tantrums is the best way to deal with tantrum behavior in children. Experts, however, mostly admit that ignoring tantrums will not change or eliminate them-because, after all, they say, tantrum behavior in children is natural, normal, and inevitable.
Tantrum Probability: Tantrum behavior + responding by ignoring = tantrum behavior.
This circular theory really begs a few questions. What measurement is there for parents to use so they can understand if they're ignoring the tantrums thoroughly enough or well enough? Just kidding. Nobody asks that question. But they should. How can parents know if ignoring tantrums is even a good and valid technique like the experts say it is? There is absolutely no change or success to measure and no tool to use to evaluate this technique's effectiveness. This technique, in fact, doesn't claim to be effective in the creation of a change. Using this technique isn't supposed to solve anything. When the tantrum behavior, as it undoubtedly will, stays the same or perhaps gets worse, the tantrum parents are supposed to keep on ignoring the tantrums simply because the experts say so.
And that's precisely what I did in the beginning, as a brand new parent. I regularly ignored the tantrums with my first four children until they each outgrew their tantrum behavior, usually at about two years old as the parenting advisors had predicted. As well, I responded to my fifth baby's tantrums by ignoring them, until I learned that my response was provoking his tantrum behavior. I learned that ignoring temper tantrum and pre-temper-tantrum anger is part of the cause of temper tantrums. And I learned that for as long as temper tantrums are ignored they will continue to occur.
About the Author:
Want to find out more about tantrums, then visit Leanna Rae Scott's site for tantrum solutions for your needs.. This article, A Recipe For More Temper Tantrums: Ignoring Temper Tantrums is released under a creative commons attribution license.
