Effective discipline with a child has to be based on treating the child with respect. A parent must always be in charge of a child in a firm, loving, non-harsh, fair, and respectful way before the child will respond positively to any form of discipline. If a parent is in charge disrespectfully, the child could easily react with manipulative, stubborn, or retaliatory anger expressions or tantrums.
By being in charge, I'm talking about being the person or persons who are in command, managing, directing, in authority, responsible, taking charge, and running the show.
For any discipline method to be effective with children, it has to be respectful of them. What I mean by effective is that the child's compliance is obtained, without alienating the child from the parent. Counting children is an extremely effective way to restore compliance when it is momentarily lost. Counting, as you likely know, is the numeric warning given by parents to their children that if they choose not to "listen up" and do what they're told by the time the "magic" number is reached, they will be given immediate consequences.
The best and maybe easiest time to teach children that you are the one in charge is right when they first try out being defiant (typically from six to ten months old). Counting, amazingly enough, works equally well with young babies like this (after they've been taught) as it does with bigger-than-you children and all sizes in-between. Even infants can understand the friendly tone of warning that accompanies Counting.
Another effective discipline aspect is that the functional consequence given must nullify the benefits the child earns through the commission of the offense. In other words, the consequence must be tough enough for the child to think the misbehavior was not worth it, but not so tough that the child feels disrespected. For instance, groundings have to be long enough and short enough to produce something near the middle of (1) the child's perception that the benefit was certainly worth the consequence and (2) the child's detesting of your innards. My personal Grounding Standardization Method and my Grounding Formula come in handy whenever Grounding is a fitting consequence. (Consequences should also fit the offense.)
Parents have multitudes of discipline techniques from which to choose. When assessing each one, it's helpful to remember the two most important criteria: (1) the use of the technique shows respect to the child, and (2) it appropriately and sufficiently, but not overly, gives a reasonable consequence for the child's offending behavior.
By being in charge, I'm talking about being the person or persons who are in command, managing, directing, in authority, responsible, taking charge, and running the show.
For any discipline method to be effective with children, it has to be respectful of them. What I mean by effective is that the child's compliance is obtained, without alienating the child from the parent. Counting children is an extremely effective way to restore compliance when it is momentarily lost. Counting, as you likely know, is the numeric warning given by parents to their children that if they choose not to "listen up" and do what they're told by the time the "magic" number is reached, they will be given immediate consequences.
The best and maybe easiest time to teach children that you are the one in charge is right when they first try out being defiant (typically from six to ten months old). Counting, amazingly enough, works equally well with young babies like this (after they've been taught) as it does with bigger-than-you children and all sizes in-between. Even infants can understand the friendly tone of warning that accompanies Counting.
Another effective discipline aspect is that the functional consequence given must nullify the benefits the child earns through the commission of the offense. In other words, the consequence must be tough enough for the child to think the misbehavior was not worth it, but not so tough that the child feels disrespected. For instance, groundings have to be long enough and short enough to produce something near the middle of (1) the child's perception that the benefit was certainly worth the consequence and (2) the child's detesting of your innards. My personal Grounding Standardization Method and my Grounding Formula come in handy whenever Grounding is a fitting consequence. (Consequences should also fit the offense.)
Parents have multitudes of discipline techniques from which to choose. When assessing each one, it's helpful to remember the two most important criteria: (1) the use of the technique shows respect to the child, and (2) it appropriately and sufficiently, but not overly, gives a reasonable consequence for the child's offending behavior.
About the Author:
Want to find out more about effective discipline, then visit Leanna Rae Scott's site for effective discipline advice for your needs.. This article, Effective Discipline Must Be Positive Discipline: What Doesn't Work And What Does, And Why is released under a creative commons attribution license.
